Whether or not you are currently on keto, carnivore, or the standard American diet, we can all agree on one thing:
Pizza is the greatest tasting food in the history of the universe.
However, is the taste worth being fat, sick, and stupid? Definitely not! Slaves to regular pizza have been known to be among the unhealthiest members of our society. I would know because I used to be one.
At one point in my life I’d say that 50% of my diet consisted of pizza. Frozen pizza and delivered pizza-chain pizza were a primary source of my caloric intake. I used to work a very stressful overnight job, so I would get home, throw a Tombstone pizza in the oven, and eat the entire goddamned thing for breakfast at 7:00 am. Then I’d fall asleep, wake back up in the evening, and eat leftover Domino’s from two days ago. I know I’ve said this before, but before keto, I was a MESS.
I am generally opposed to keto snacks and Franken-foods. I think they are usually unnecessary replacements to satisfy cravings from our carb-eating days. Brownies with almond flour? GTFO.
But when it comes to pizza, I have PERFECTED a carnivore diet pizza that will keep you in ketosis and satisfy you fully. Zero carbohydrates, zero plant products, and ZERO GUILT.
Come to think of it, pizza is pretty healthy if you subtract the crust and the tomato sauce. The same problem comes to burgers. Get rid of the bun! And who would have thought that the slice of bread that we butter was more unhealthy than the butter itself? Taking the keto red pill on nutrition really shows how horribly skewed the public’s view on what healthy food is.
As a replacement for the crust, we’re not gonna go for that cauliflower-based, cancer-causing bullshit. BREAK OUT THE CHEESE, YO.
This recipe will either feed a family of five or myself on my only meal of the day. This is a lot of food and a lot of calories. Go big or go home.
YOU WILL NEED:
- 24 oz. of shredded cheese. I recommend mozzarella because iz gud.
- 1 lb. of ground beef.
- 8 oz. of ground pork. You could also use what is called BREAKFAST SAUSAGE.
- A package of pepperoni.
- A lil’ bit of butter
- Parchment paper
- Cooking sheet
KETO PIZZA DIRECTIONS
First, preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
Second thing you’re gonna do is saute your one pound of ground beef and your half pound of pork together in a hot, buttery pan.
Third thing you’re gonna do is grab your parchment paper and put it on top of your cooking sheet. Then you’re gonna spread out 16 ounces of your cheese like so.
Then you’re gonna strain your meat and distribute it evenly on top of your cheese.
Sprinkle a little more cheese on.
Layer the pepperoni.
BOOM. Throw that sucker in the oven for about 16 minutes. When the edges get a crispy, golden brown look, that’s when you’ll know it’s done.
When you take it out, be sure to let it cool for a few minutes. After it cools a bit, the cheese will stiffen and it will hold up just like a slice of regular pizza.
Enjoy! I GUARANTEE you will love it. You will also still be in ketosis after consuming this pizza, and you will have zero guilt. Way better than being a chubby, carbohydrate-addicted zombie!
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